Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
