I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
