So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
