There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize