Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
