I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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