if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
