i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
