I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize