I met the friendliest cop last night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
