I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
