I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
