i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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