you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
