I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
