If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
