i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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