i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
