i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
