Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
