I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize