Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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