Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
