I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
