hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
