I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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