I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woke up backwards on a recliner
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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