Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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