I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
