I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
