and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
