When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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