we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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