he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
