She said her name was "party"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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