I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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