i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
