I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
