I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
barbara walters just said penis...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
