Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
