There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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