Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
