i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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