I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
