giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
