your thong is hanging out like whoa
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
