Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize