and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize