Can i not drive my cunt home
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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