I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize