some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
