Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
