Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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