her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't deserve a penis
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
