some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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