Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
