If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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