he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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