I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize