he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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