How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
