Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
