The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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