how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
