Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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