He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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