I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize