my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
