this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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