Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You left your phone here
Wait...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
